My daughter sent this letter to her entire school and gave me permission to share it with you. Its an amazing vulnerable letter you don’t want to miss. Please read and share with any High School Seniors and their parents that have struggled with this loss. Here’s her letter:

Dear Mountain View, this is my letter to YOU.

To my  friends, my teachers, to everyone. 

I love you. I miss you. Thank you for the best three years! I want to share with you my story, my experience this past month. I hope as you read you’ll feel loved and know you’re not alone.  

*por espanol, vea el final del texto*

I’m a senior and Covid19 took away my graduation, senior week, yearbook day, choir tour, and last moments with friends. Everything I’ve dreamed of and waited for all of my life was suddenly gone. No graduation, no senior prom, no morp, no senior activities, no weekend parties, no everything. Suddenly I was home, far from friends, choir, track, with nothing to do but to try to gather motivation to do school online. 

Maybe you feel this way too. My hope in writing this is to unite us and show maybe just one person that they are not alone, and that it’s okay to cry and grieve. I also want to show that even in the midst of the darkness and mess, there is plenty of light and hope to be found. And if crying isn’t how you grieve, or if you don’t even feel that sad about this, and even though all of our experiences and pain are different, in many ways they are so much the same.

I want to be completely honest, completely vulnerable. I don’t know what your experience has been, but this is mine.

In the last four weeks, I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. I cried at least a little bit every day for weeks. I cried so hard when talking to my parents that it was difficult to breathe, I was just so wet. The  kind of heavy tears that leave you both empty and relieved. I haven’t wanted to wake up, knowing there wasn’t anything planned, nothing to look forward to. I’ve absent-mindedly tried to do online school work, because it was all I knew how to do, only to break down in tears again at the end of the day because I was reminded of the pain I felt. I’ve tried to run and sing and call friends and do the things that make me happy, but they just reminded me again of everything I miss so much. I’ve felt numb. I’ve felt robbed. I’ve felt incredibly sad. I’ve felt exhausted, so tired of feeling all of this. And at least to some degree, I’m sure you’ve been through something similar. This may sound dramatic to you, since it might not be so hard for you. But this is me, this is my story.

 Although I’ve felt lots of pain and sadness, I’ve also felt a lot of peace and joy! I’ve tried to look for the good things, the brilliant things, and I’ve found beauty that has come out of this mess! I’ve connected with my family in ways I never would’ve before. My sister came home from her mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and we’ve been able to spend all our days together, something we never could’ve done before. I’ve been able to slow down, not be so stressed, and I’ve had time to do things I’ve always wanted to do.

Because it’s been hard, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned how to handle hard things, how to turn to God, how to turn to people I love, how to grieve. How to be patient, how to trust. How to live in the moment, just one day at a time. I’ve learned how to accept whatever comes at me. I’ve learned to be creative in how I connect with people. I’ve learned what my priorities really are, and what really matters to me. And I’m still learning, I’m still in the process of grief.

I really like lists, so I decided to make some to convey how I feel. Maybe you’ll relate, maybe you’ll understand more of what we feel as seniors, maybe you’ll realize you’re not alone.

These are some things related to the pandemic that I’ve cried about, and what hurts the most:

• I miss my friends, seeing so many people in the halls every day, the people I don’t talk to without school, my teachers, people. 
• I miss singing with my choirs, chamber and acapella.
• I miss running with my team. 
• I’m sad I won’t have the opportunities I thought I’d have—normal graduation, senior week, wish week, yearbook day, choir tour, any of the above. 
• I’m afraid of the uncertainty. Will summer be normal? Will I be able to move out to the dorms I have planned for this fall? Will I ever see some of these people from high school ever again? 
• I’m saddened by the reports I hear, how families and nurses are struggling so much.
• I’m sad that I’m sad. I’m tired of being sad, and tired of being numb. (how are you numb if you’re sad?)I’m tired of not wanting to do things, I’m tired of not caring. I’m tired of feeling weak for feeling sad.
• I’m tired of being stuck in my house.
• I miss going to the temple. I miss church. 
• Sometimes I don’t know why I’m crying, or why I’m sad. I just am. And it hurts.

These are some of the many things which are bringing me a lot of pain lately. (I promise I’m not always sad & I’m actually doing just fine, but sometimes it’s hard). But because of everything that I’ve felt, I’ve learned a lot! I’ve changed so much just this past month. In order to learn, to change, I’ve had to actively look for good each day. 

These are the things I’ve done to handle the grief and look for the good:

• I let myself feel the pain. I’ve cried a lot. For a couple weeks, I cried a little bit every day. I still cry sometimes, but I try not to be mad at myself, I try to just feel it. And it’s exhausting. Oh my goodness, the waves of emotion come and go so quickly, it feels like I can’t keep up. But as I let myself feel it, I get stronger, and I can move on, since I’m not suppressing how I feel. 
• I believe in God, so I’ve studied scriptures and prayed and written in my journal more than I’ve ever had time before. It brings me peace like nothing else and my fears are completely stilled when I turn to God. When I turn to Jesus, He holds my grief, and He holds me in his arms. Because of Him, I have hope for the future. I attribute everything I’ve learned and felt that’s good in this time to Him. He is my everything.
• I started a list of every brilliant thing in my life! The idea came from the play we saw at school. I’ve kept up the list, and now I’m at #212, which is: the smell of fresh homemade bread. This list helps me see the big and little things in my life that I love so much, It’s a celebration of life and humanity and every good thing!
• I’ve called, marco polo-ed, or visited friends from a distance every day. 
• I run/bike/walk/exercise in some way every day. 
• I do little things that I love/always wish I had time for: watercoloring, playing guitar and piano, studying arabic or spanish, reading family history stories, and binge watching “The Chosen” or other shows. (nah just the chosen haha)
• I spend time with family and try to be really present with them. I love them so much. And talking to them about what hurts, being honest and open really helps. 
• I make ‘to do’ lists and schedules for each day. I love feeling productive and I love checking things off my lists. 

These are some things that have helped me, and I hope you’ll try some of them and find what works for you. I’m sure you’re already finding things, and thriving, because you people are awesome. Humans are innately good at adapting, so I believe in you and your ability to find things and be happy:)

After this first month of quarantine, here’s some advice I have and some things I’ve learned:

• Don’t give up. Some moments may feel like the deepest despair, and the pain may  feel like it’s too much to hold. I understand, I’ve felt that. But I promise light comes, joy comes! You will laugh and smile again. It comes in waves, and you just have to ride it for a while. It’s gonna be okay.
• Living in the moment is everything. This has been a beautiful time to slow down and take things one day at a time. With things changing so much day to day, living in the moment is all we can do. So try to be present, try to connect with people, try to really live, more.
• Let’s be real, the amount of time I spent on my phone absolutely skyrocketed when quarantine first started. For a while, it was just a part of my grief and coping, but after a few weeks I recognized it wasn’t helping me, so I did a fast from social media. I guess my advice is this: try to be super intentional about how you’re using phones and computers! Set timers, do a fast, something, just to make sure you’re still living and not just sitting on technology all day. Also, if you’re stuck on your phone, please don’t be mad at yourself, because that won’t help you change. Just accept that’s how things are now, and you’re going through a process of grieving and learning, be patient with yourself. 
• Call people, visit people, facetime, marco polo, text, visit from a distance, everything, anything. Stay connected and be  creative! Do a tailgate circle trunk parking lot party with some friends! It’s so important to stay connected.
• Turn to God. You may not believe in God, but now is the perfect time to try, to test it out. Pray, study scriptures, journal, etc like you never have before. And I promise, peace will come! God will not leave you alone. Please ask me if you have any questions, I love to talk about God. 
• Go outside. Every single day. 
• Create some sort of routine for yourself, make things as normal as possible. Don’t stay up too late, don’t sleep in too late. 
• I’ve learned that I don’t have control over my situation, but I am in control of how I react. It’s been a humbling thing for sure, to watch everything spin out of my control, to not be living the life I dreamed anymore. But I’ve learned throughout my life to choose each day to be happy and to make it a good day. That choice is everything. How I feel is entirely up to me! You can be happy regardless of your circumstances. 
• Remember the goodness of humanity! Go watch Some Good News on youtube, watch npr tiny desk concerts (especially coldplay’s!), listen to music, and connect with people. People are so beautiful, amazing, and resilient, and it’s inspiring to me to hear other’s stories.

Whatever you’re doing to thrive in these crazy times, I want to say that you are handling this beautifully! You are adapting, learning, thriving, and you are not alone. If you ever want to talk, I’d be more than happy to listen and be there! I’d love to hear the things you’re sad about, the things you’re doing to thrive, the things you’re learning, and what advice you have. 

In the end, like my Dad always says, the point is this: IT’LL ALL WORK OUT IN THE END.

I don’t know when the end is, or how things are going to work out, but I know they will.  

Have hope, keep pushing forward! Please please be patient with yourself, allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to grow. This is definitely not how we pictured our senior year ending, this is not the dream we had for years. But this year is going down in history, so we need to act and respond intentionally. We need to choose how we want to be remembered, as the ones who rose to the occasion, who never gave up, and who saw and created beauty in the mess!

Thank you for reading to the end, you’re a trooper. I love you! Pay it forward, and share your story. Write it, tell it, at least to yourself, or to the people you’re closest to. We’re in this together. Thank you teachers, friends, neighbors, family. Thank you community leaders, thank you healthcare workers. Thank you all for all your support.

This is for you, my one and only Mountain View High School! We are the fighting Bruins of Mountain View! A team that’s tough, I’m telling you, the cardinal red & gold! MVHS the best! BRU-U-INSPIRE!:)

Love, (I’ve kept her first name private)

*hola!!! No se mucho espanol, pero yo quiero decir que te amo tu eres muy fuerte! Quiero ser honesta, para que sepas que tu no estas solo. Esta tiempo ha sido muy duro para mi. He llorado mucho, y hay muchos cosas que extraño, pero aún hay esperanza. En la oscuridad, he encontrado paciente y tener esperanza. He aprendido como llorar y como a buscar la luz. Por favor, busca la luz, está ahí. Yo estoy aquí si tu necesitas una amiga. MVHS the best!