It’s hard to get humbled
My daughter asked if we could sing hymns in harmony tonight for our family night activity
She got a funny look on her face and said,
“Mom, I remember when I was younger and we were on a road trip and I told you I chose Hymn #58, “Come Ye Children of The Lord” to memorize for a personal progress goal and you said, “why would you want to memorize that one?” and I felt like you thought I was dumb for liking that one and you never listened to why I love it. Today I want you to know why I love the words.”
Ouch
I felt the defensiveness rising in me.
I felt mad that she still remembered something little like this.
So, I tried to respond and hear her this time. I got right up and went to the piano to see what those words were, saying,
“ok, well tell me why you like it.”
I thought I was being open and curious and loving.
But instantly she rolled over in frustration saying I was doing it again.
Ouch again
I really thought I was trying. I wanted to say I was right and they were wrong, but took a breath.
I said, “hey, I’m trying to be curious and came over here to read the words and you think I’m being rude. Do I really sound like that?”
Both she and my husband said that I did. He said that sometimes when I’m trying really hard to be curious it comes out sounding like I just can’t believe that the other person thinks this way, so they must be dumb or crazy. He knows I don’t mean that though.
I felt the defensiveness rising in me again.
They said it very kind AND I had asked for the feedback.
I took a breath.
I realized as I stared at the music that there was still part of me that really didn’t care for that song. And that is what came out in my incredulous and attacking tone.
It’s hard to fake the truth (even if you aren’t fully aware of it).
I wasn’t sure why until suddenly I remembered myself as the accompanist to a ward choir years ago with an over exuberant director who turned this song into a lively march.
It completely turned me off to the song as I just had to keep playing it over and over and over in a way I thought it should NOT be played, in a way that I thought was ruining it.
I was so irritated by it that I never listened to or read the other verses, just keeping up with the fast pace so I wouldn’t get left behind.
So, I opened my mind and heart and read the other verses for the first time, the first time I was actually trying to see what they had for me.
They were beautiful, simple, and powerful!
Look what I’d been missing all these years!
I humbly told my daughter what I’d just seen and how I was grateful that she opened my eyes and helped me see it for the first time.
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