Mother’s Day can be hard for many. I honor those of you struggling for many reasons – because you have lost your mother or grandma, have a troubled relationship with your mother or your motherhood, have lost children, are waiting for children to join your family, or grieving the loss of your adult children or your empty nest, or you are feeling inadequate or overwhelmed or lost in comparisons or your own personal unique struggle.
Whatever reason you might have had challenging mother’s days, I honor you.
I’m sending you a hug and wish I could wrap you in a big loving blanket.
It’s ok for you to feel all of it.
It’s ok for you to cancel Mother’s Day and entirely skip it too if you’d like.
Really, you can.
The world will keep on spinning.
It’s ok to do mother’s day however you want – you get to decide and however anyone else does it doesn’t reflect on you.
I know moms who skip it and ask their family to skip it. I know moms who focus solely on their mothers and don’t consider it a day for themselves at all. I know moms who consider it their day off and have taught their family to pamper them all day. I know moms who focus on their Heavenly Mother and Christlike mothering and make it a spiritual day. I know moms who love honoring all women for their mothering nature and it’s just a day about mothering anyone to them. I know other moms and single women or women without children who disagree with that. I know moms who have struggled with enjoying and feeling successful being a mom and are finding ways to celebrate the parts of motherhood they actually do enjoy or feel successful with (even if it’s only a few things, and they are giving themselves grace).
How do YOU want it to be for YOU?
I’d love to help you decide what you want and how to create that and let go of layers of resentment, or work through grief and find peace.
If you’re struggling with Mother’s Day because of unmet expectations, I’m here to share in your misery too.
I used to be the Mother’s Day queen of being disappointed and impossible to please.
For years I silently wished for many things and was hurt when they never happened.
Then, I started making requests, but I didn’t get specific enough, or partially expected them to read my mind, or didn’t remind them or was upset it didn’t completely go as hoped.
And I was upset, disappointed, hurt, and frustrated.
I hated Mother’s Day.
I thought it was the dumbest holiday.
Why are mothers supposed to honor their mothers and grandmothers on the same day they are supposed to chill and let their family pamper them?!
It made no sense to me.
I have a tendency to fall for all or nothing thinking.
So, instead of being frustrated, I decided to plan the day myself AND decide that no matter what actually happened, I would do something I wanted to make it wonderful.
I took charge of my emotions and created the feeling I wanted to have, the experiences I wanted to have. I stopped placing my emotions in everyone else’s hands.
I tend to be a people pleaser, so this was challenging for me, but I decided to think how I wanted so I could feel how I wanted.
I learned to say no too, and that meant knowing that others were disappointed.
I learned to be ok with that.
You really can do that!
You get to choose!
If going to church is painful, you don’t have to go. Really, that’s fine (Hey, you can thank coronavirus this year!)
If going to church is painful, you can also work through that pain until it becomes different for you.
If asking your family to do things for you isn’t working, what would?
Is it time to be more clear and assertive and make it easy for them?
Or is it time to do it yourself?
You can plan your own celebration and buy your own gifts AND that can be fun!
This year I have a couple minimum things I want to have happen and a few things that would be pluses.
I’m going to make sure the minimums happen and be delighted if the others do, but I’ll also be fine if they don’t.
I’m doing free sessions for missionaries and parents. Schedule a time for a FREE session. Have a quick question? Shoot me an email at info@jillfreestone.com. I’d love to hear from you.
