I have a love/hate relationship with traveling and holiday family gatherings. I generally love it when I’m there and I love the people, but the preparation and the intensity can be overwhelming.
How do you still enjoy a busy holiday when there is a lot going on?
Decide WHY you are doing each thing that you do. Make sure you like your reason.
If you don’t, find a new one that feels good to you. It’s hard to feel good when you are doing something you don’t want to do. Or, decide not to do it and find something that works for you and your family.
Do I mean you have to love everything you do all day long?
No, but you can like your reason for doing it.
Here’s a few examples:
- this isn’t my favorite activity right now, but I’ve chosen to do it because its my daughter’s favorite.
- this is a little awkward and uncomfortable for me, but I can handle being uncomfortable for awhile.
- I really don’t like this activity, but I love who I’m with and I really want to be with them. I wonder why they love it. What can I learn about them while being totally here with them.
- I can do this to connect with her and afterwards I’m going to take some time to be alone. Then, I’ll be ready again for more time with the group.
- I really do want to be here, I’m just feeling tired/hungry/overstimulated/etc so it feels like I don’t want to be here.
- I’m going to do what feels best to take care of me now and then I’ll join in later in a way that feels right to me.
- Or, I was just having a bad attitude and I can fix that.
Once you have found a reason you like, practice thinking that thought and believing it.
Then, when you are in the middle of the activity, be ALL there. Really listen to the people who are talking. Get curious about them and what they are saying. Find out why they care about what they are saying.
Our Grandma Lu is amazing at this. She LOVES whatever she is doing and is totally present. She doesn’t complain about what she can’t do anymore, just says that was in her younger years. She is totally optimistic and it’s contagious.
Finding your Why and being present is really helpful. The next tips are managing your emotions and expectations and making real connections with people.
If you find yourself getting flooding with a negative emotion like anger, stress, frustration or overwhelm, pause and take care of yourself.
Allow yourself to feel it, to step away and take a deep breath. Ask yourself what thoughts you were having that created the emotion and what you want to do about it. Take a few steps outside and clear your mind. Have you allowed negativity to settle in? Time for a reset.
If you’ve been “on” for too long, take a 5 minute break to just breathe deeply or walk around the house. Get present by fully noticing something with each of your 5 senses. If you can, take a little longer break with your eyes shut just breathing slowly. Feel or watch you stomach rise and fall.
If you’ve been moving in auto-pilot, not present and not connecting, stop and get present doing the things above and then connect with someone, really see and hear them, touch them and connect.
Remember that when things don’t go as you’ve planned, or when you lose your cool, or your kid loses theirs, this is an opportunity to connect with someone instead of a ruined holiday.
The times we pause to connect and apologize and repair our relationships are the times we grow closer together and the times our kids learn the most. Remember that research says we only have to get it right 40% of the time.
When the schedule gets messed up or the dinner burns, it won’t matter in an hour or a day, what will matter is how you respond. Now what are you going to do? How can this be amusing? How is this actually awesome?
If someone says something shocking or hurtful or strange to you, practice getting really curious. If you haven’t downloaded my Free Mindfulness guide – this would be helpful here. Remember that only your thoughts about what they said can hurt you.
Practice really wondering how this person is doing, what their day/week has been like, what they are currently feeling, what they might mean and give them a big benefit of the doubt. Assume the best and forgive fast. Thinking like this will help keep your brain thinking clearly instead of going into fight/flight which shuts down the thinking part of the brain.
Focus on fully connecting with your children (or any children since its healing to play with kids) when you are with them for at least 10 minutes at a time. Allow yourself to get silly or laugh and play.
Find a way to take breaks even if it’s just closing your eyes and imagining or breathing slowly. Or, ask for help while you nap for 20 minutes or walk around the house or block.
Maybe it’s all just fun and not ever stressful for you. If that’s the case, leave your thoughts/beliefs about holidays/vacations/big gatherings that help you in the comments here or on instagram. Let us learn from you!
“It’s all going to work out” is a good belief to practice.
So is, “this is going to be fun!” or “This is magical!” “I’m so lucky right now”
Another tip is to look for someone who is struggling in some way and find a way to support them. Or, simply looking for a way to be helpful and serve.
Happy 4th of July!
I’m doing free sessions for missionaries and parents. Schedule a time for a FREE session. Have a quick question? Shoot me an email at info@jillfreestone.com. I’d love to hear from you.
